Can I tell you something I had to learn the hard way? For years, I treated self-love like a prize I had to earn — something I got to feel only after the house was clean, the kids were happy, the to-do list was finished, and I looked a certain way in the mirror. Anyone else built their worth like that? On a shifting foundation of “once I…”
Here’s what I know now, 51 years and five kids into this life: love for yourself was never supposed to be a reward. It’s supposed to be the ground you stand on while you do everything else.
Where I got it backwards
I used to think loving myself was the thing I’d feel once I got everything else right. But that’s not how God designed it. He didn’t wait for me to get it together before He called me His own — He loved me first, fully, in the mess. If that’s true of how He sees me, then withholding kindness from myself until I’ve “earned” it isn’t humility. It’s just a habit I picked up somewhere along the way, and habits can be gently, patiently unlearned.
Self-love, for me, isn’t about bubble baths and affirmations in the mirror (though those have their place). It’s about how I talk to myself when I mess up. It’s whether I let myself rest without a guilt tax. It’s remembering that the same God who spoke oceans into existence also knit me together on purpose, and that includes the tired, imperfect, still-learning version of me sitting here today.
“You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” — Mark 12:31
Notice that verse assumes you already know how to love yourself well enough to be the standard. Loving you isn’t selfish — it’s part of the design.
A small practice for today
If you’re someone who’s spent years being your own harshest critic, here’s a gentle place to start: choose one small, tangible way to be kind to yourself today. Not a grand gesture — just one. Maybe it’s letting yourself sit down for ten quiet minutes without the guilt. Maybe it’s putting on something that makes you feel like you, just because. I actually keep a little beaded bracelet by my sink as my own version of this — a small, wearable reminder that I’m allowed to choose something for me. If you want one of your own, our Sunny Shores Beaded Bracelet has become exactly that kind of everyday reminder for a few of you who’ve picked one up.
Journal Prompt
Grab your journal (or the notes app, no judgment) and finish this sentence a few different ways: “I would treat myself more gently today if I believed…” Let yourself write whatever comes, even if it surprises you. Sometimes the truest things about us are hiding right behind that sentence.
Friend, you don’t need a finished life to deserve a kind one. You are allowed to love yourself today, exactly as you are, in the middle of the mess and the laundry and the not-quite-there-yet. That’s not pride. That’s just receiving what was already true about you before you ever tried to earn it.
Sending you so much love today. 💛
— Jena
P.S. — If you’re looking for a little something to bring extra coziness and reminders of self-love into your home, come Shop My Cozy Cottage Collection. Every piece is handmade with a lot of heart.
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