Personal Development

Have you ever found yourself at a place in life where you just want God more?

Not because you’re perfect.

Not because you’ve suddenly figured everything out.

But because you’re tired.

Tired of trying to do everything on your own.

Tired of making the same mistakes.

Tired of carrying things that God never asked you to carry in the first place.

And somewhere deep inside, you start thinking:

“I just want to get closer to God.”

That’s where I’ve found myself more than once.

Wanting to pray more. Wanting to read my Bible more. Wanting to hear God’s voice more clearly. Wanting to trust Him instead of constantly trying to figure everything out myself.

I want a relationship with God that isn’t just something I talk about.

I want to know Him.

I want Him involved in my decisions, my relationships, my dreams, my disappointments, my family, my future—everything.

But here’s something I’ve learned along the way:

Sometimes getting closer to God means getting farther away from certain things and certain people.

And honestly?

That part can hurt.

“You’ve Changed.”

Maybe you’ve heard it too.

“You’ve changed.”

And they’re right.

I have changed.

I’m still changing.

Because when you genuinely start seeking God, you can’t expect to remain exactly the same.

The things that used to entertain me don’t always entertain me anymore.

The conversations I used to participate in don’t always feel right anymore.

The things I used to tolerate sometimes bother me now.

And the things I once thought I couldn’t live without suddenly don’t seem nearly as important.

That’s what God does.

He starts working on your heart.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”

2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV)

And sometimes He changes your desires before He changes your circumstances.

But not everyone is going to understand that.

Some people liked the old version of you.

The version who said yes when she wanted to say no.

The version who stayed quiet to keep everybody happy.

The version who participated in things she knew weren’t good for her.

The version who put everyone else first and herself—and God—somewhere at the bottom of the list.

But when God starts calling you higher, you can’t keep living lower just because other people are comfortable with the old you.

I Don’t Want to Lose People, But I Don’t Want to Lose Myself Either

This is one of the hardest things for me.

Because I love people.

I don’t want to hurt people.

I don’t want anyone to think I’m judging them.

I don’t want people to think I’m suddenly “too good” for them because I’m trying to get closer to God.

That’s not what this is about.

I’m not better than anyone.

I simply want better for my life.

And I’ve had to learn that loving someone doesn’t mean I have to follow them everywhere they’re going.

I can love you and still have boundaries.

I can forgive you and still keep my distance.

I can pray for you and still understand that I can’t allow you to constantly pull me away from what God is doing in my life.

That’s a hard lesson.

Especially when it’s someone you care about.

Sometimes the Pull Doesn’t Look Like Temptation

Sometimes we imagine temptation as something obvious.

But what if it’s simply a person calling you when you know you shouldn’t answer?

A conversation that always turns negative.

An environment where you become someone you don’t really want to be anymore.

A friendship that constantly pulls you back into an old version of yourself.

A relationship where you find yourself compromising the things you’ve been praying about.

Sometimes the enemy doesn’t have to convince you to completely walk away from God.

Sometimes all he has to do is keep you distracted.

Keep you busy.

Keep you surrounded by noise.

Keep you focused on everybody else’s opinions.

Keep you comfortable enough that you never realize you’re drifting.

That’s why Paul wrote:

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Romans 12:2 (NIV)

And that’s why I’ve been learning to pay attention to what certain relationships do to my spirit.

After spending time with someone, do I feel encouraged?

Do I feel closer to God?

Do I feel peaceful?

Or do I leave feeling drained, discouraged, angry, tempted, or pulled back into things I’ve been trying to leave behind?

Those questions matter.

“Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.”

Proverbs 13:20 (NIV)

I Don’t Want to Be the Person I Used to Be

There was a time when I thought changing meant losing myself.

Now I realize that sometimes changing means finally finding myself.

The woman God created me to be.

The woman who doesn’t have to have all the answers.

The woman who can admit she needs God.

The woman who can say, “I don’t know what I’m doing, but Lord, I’m trusting You.”

The woman who can walk away without needing everyone to understand why.

The woman who can say no without feeling guilty.

The woman who can choose peace over proving a point.

The woman who can stop trying to control everything and finally surrender it to God.

That’s the woman I’m becoming.

And I’m not there yet.

But I’m getting there.

One prayer at a time.

One lesson at a time.

One surrendered situation at a time.

Maybe God Is Asking You to Let Go

If you’re reading this and you’ve been feeling like certain people or situations are pulling you away from God, maybe it’s time to pray about it.

Not react.

Not judge.

Not start cutting everybody off because you read one blog post at 2 a.m. and suddenly feel like you’re starring in your own spiritual detective show. 😂

Pray about it.

Ask God:

“Lord, who and what is helping me become who You called me to be?”

And then ask:

“Who and what keeps pulling me away from You?”

The answer may not come immediately.

But when you’re sincerely seeking God, I believe He will give you wisdom. He promises it:

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

James 1:5 (NIV)

Sometimes He changes the relationship.

Sometimes He changes your boundaries.

Sometimes He changes your heart toward the person.

And sometimes He simply gives you the strength to stop following someone else’s path.

I Don’t Need Everyone to Understand My Walk With God

I’ve realized something:

My relationship with God is personal.

People don’t have to understand why I pray.

They don’t have to understand why I want to read Scripture.

They don’t have to understand why certain things don’t feel right to me anymore.

They don’t have to understand why I’m choosing peace.

They don’t have to understand why I’m changing.

And honestly?

I’m learning that I don’t need them to.

Because at the end of the day, I’m the one who has to live with the choices I make.

And I want to be able to look back someday and know that I didn’t ignore God’s voice just because I was afraid of somebody else’s opinion.

If You’re Trying to Get Closer to God…

If that’s where you are right now, I want you to know something:

Keep going.

Even if nobody understands.

Keep praying.

Even if your prayers feel awkward.

Keep opening your Bible.

Even if you don’t understand everything you read.

Keep worshiping.

Even when you don’t feel like it.

Keep choosing forgiveness.

Keep choosing gratitude.

Keep choosing grace.

And keep choosing God.

You don’t have to become perfect before you come to Him.

Come exactly as you are.

God isn’t waiting for the perfect version of you.

He’s waiting for your heart.

And if getting closer to Him means some things have to change, let them change.

If some relationships need boundaries, set them.

If some doors close, let them close.

If some people don’t understand your journey, let them misunderstand it.

You don’t have to drag everyone with you into the place God is taking you.

A Prayer From My Heart to Yours

Lord,

I’m trying.

I’m trying to get closer to You.

I’m trying to hear You.

I’m trying to trust You.

And sometimes, Lord, I don’t know what I’m supposed to let go of.

I don’t know which relationships are meant to stay and which ones are meant to teach me a lesson and then leave.

So I’m asking You for wisdom.

Show me what I can’t see.

Give me discernment.

Give me the courage to set boundaries when I need to.

Give me the strength to walk away when You are telling me to walk away.

And please don’t let me become so afraid of losing people that I lose my relationship with You.

Help me remember that I don’t have to be accepted by everyone to be loved by You.

Help me trust that when You remove something from my life, You are not leaving me empty.

You are making room.

Room for peace.

Room for healing.

Room for growth.

Room for purpose.

And most importantly…

room for You.

Amen.

I’m Choosing God

Maybe that’s where you are too.

Maybe you’re tired of being pulled in ten different directions.

Maybe you’re finally realizing that your peace is worth protecting.

Maybe you’re realizing that you can’t keep asking God to change your life while continuing to surround yourself with everything that’s keeping you stuck.

And maybe it’s time to make a decision.

Not a perfect decision.

Just a simple one.

I’m choosing God.

Today.

Tomorrow.

And the day after that.

And when I mess up, I’ll come back.

When I fall, I’ll get back up.

When I get distracted, I’ll turn my eyes back toward Him.

Because I’m learning that walking with God isn’t about never stumbling.

It’s about knowing where to turn when you do.

So if you’re in a season where people are pulling you away from God, don’t be afraid of the changes happening inside of you.

Maybe you’re not becoming distant.

Maybe you’re becoming different.

Maybe you’re not losing yourself.

Maybe you’re finally becoming who God created you to be.

And maybe…

the closer you get to God, the more clearly you’ll see what—and who—was never meant to go with you.

Keep walking.

Keep praying.

Keep trusting.

God is worth it.

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If you’re in a season of learning to hear God for yourself, Still, Small Voice walks you through recognizing His voice in the middle of all the noise. And if you want a daily rhythm of getting into the Word, Grace Unfolding takes you through the whole Bible in a year, one day at a time.

Come say hi on Instagram: @mommajscozycottage

With so much love,
Momma J 🤍

“But those who wait for the LORD will renew their strength. They will mount up with wings like eagles. They will run, and not be weary. They will walk, and not faint.” — Isaiah 40:31

Can I be honest with you for a minute? Some mornings I wake up already tired. Not “I need more coffee” tired. Soul tired. The kind where you’ve been praying about the same thing for months and nothing seems to move.

If that’s where you are today, I want you to know something. You’re not failing at faith. You’re right where Isaiah was writing to.

This verse wasn’t written to people who had it all together. It was written to a weary nation who felt like God had forgotten them. Just two verses earlier, Isaiah reminds them that God gives power to the faint and strength to the one who has none. That’s not a rebuke. That’s an invitation.

Waiting Isn’t Sitting Still

When most of us hear “wait,” we picture a doctor’s office. Bad magazines, a ticking clock, nothing to do but sit there and hope our name gets called.

That’s not what Isaiah meant. The Hebrew word here is qavah, and it carries the idea of eager, expectant hope. It’s tied to the picture of strands being twisted together into a cord. Waiting on the Lord means wrapping your life so tightly around Him that you can’t tell where your strength ends and His begins.

A single thread snaps easy. A cord holds. That’s the difference between waiting for something and waiting on Someone.

Eagles Don’t Flap Harder

Here’s something I love about eagles. They don’t get high by beating their wings until they’re exhausted. They find a thermal, a column of warm rising air, and they spread their wings and let it carry them up.

They don’t make the wind. They just position themselves to catch it.

How many of us are flapping like crazy right now? Trying harder, doing more, staying up later, carrying every load by ourselves? And then we wonder why we’re worn out.

God isn’t asking you to flap harder today. He’s asking you to open your wings and trust the lift.

Soar, Run, Walk

Have you ever noticed the order in this verse? Soar. Run. Walk.

It seems backwards. You’d think the big finish would be the soaring. But I think Isaiah put it this way on purpose, because that’s how real life goes.

Some seasons you soar. Prayers get answered, doors open, and you feel God so close you could touch Him. Some seasons you run. Busy, full, stretched, but He keeps you going.

And some seasons? You just walk. One foot in front of the other. Getting up, getting dressed, showing up when everything in you wants to quit.

Hear me on this: walking without fainting is still a miracle. If all you did this week was keep putting one foot down after the other, that’s His strength at work in you. Don’t you dare call that small.

How to Wait on Him Today

Waiting on the Lord isn’t passive, but it doesn’t have to be complicated either. Here are a few simple ways to twist your strand back into His today:

• Start before the scroll. Give Him the first five minutes of your morning before your phone gets them.
• Name what’s draining you. Say it out loud or write it down. You can’t hand Him what you won’t admit you’re carrying.
• Put one thing down. Pick one weight you’ve been flapping under and tell Him, “This one’s Yours today.”
• Keep walking. Do the next small, faithful thing. That counts.

Real Talk Reflection

Where in your life are you flapping harder instead of waiting on Him? What would it look like to stretch out your wings this week?

A Prayer for Weary Hearts

Lord, I’m tired, and You already know it. I’ve been trying to carry this in my own strength, and I’m running on empty. Today I choose to wait on You. Not sitting idle, but wrapping my heart around Yours. Renew my strength. When I can soar, let me soar. When I can only walk, keep me from fainting. I trust You with the lift. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Keep Going

You don’t have to have the strength today. You just have to know where it comes from.

If you want to go deeper in this season of waiting, Still, Small Voice is a gentle place to learn to hear Him again in the quiet. And if you want to build a daily habit of time in the Word, Grace Unfolding walks you through the whole Bible in a year, one day at a time. Use code GRACE20 for 20% off.

• Still, Small Voice: Get the ebook here
• Grace Unfolding: Get the journal here
• Come hang out with me on Instagram: @mommajscozycottage

With so much love,
Momma J 🤍

I Keep Picking Up the Pen

Can I be honest with you this morning? I have a bad habit. I keep trying to grab the pen out of God’s hand.

You know what I mean. He’s writing my story, and I’m hovering over His shoulder going, “Okay, but what if we skipped this chapter?” Or, “Could we move the good part up a little?” Or my personal favorite: “Lord, I’ve got this one. I’ll take it from here.”

And every single time I take over the writing, the story gets messier. Not better. Messier.

He Was Writing Before You Ever Picked It Up

Here’s what I have to keep reminding myself. My story was written before I ever showed up to edit it.

“Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139:16)

Every day. Already written. Already seen. Already held in His hands.

Hebrews 12:2 calls Jesus the author and finisher of our faith. Not the co-author. Not the editor I check in with when I get stuck. The Author. The one who started it, and the one who’s going to finish it.

And Proverbs 16:9 says it plain: we can plan our course, but the Lord establishes our steps. I can make all the outlines I want. He’s still the one holding the pen.

How We Sneak the Pen Back

Most of us don’t snatch it outright. We slide it over a little at a time. Here’s what that looks like in my life, and maybe in yours:

• We rush the chapter. We want the healing, the breakthrough, the answered prayer right now, so we force doors God hasn’t opened yet.
• We rewrite the past. We replay old chapters over and over, trying to edit what already happened instead of trusting Him to redeem it.
• We write the ending in fear. We decide how it’s all going to turn out, and it’s usually the worst-case version.
• We copy someone else’s story. We look at her marriage, her business, her ministry, and wonder why our pages don’t look like hers.
• We stop praying and start planning. The to-do list gets longer and the quiet time gets shorter.

None of that makes us bad believers. It makes us human. But it does make us tired. Because carrying a story you were never meant to write is exhausting.

What Setting It Down Actually Looks Like

Surrender sounds pretty on a coffee mug. In real life, it’s a daily choice. Here’s how I’m practicing it:

1. Say it out loud. Some mornings I literally open my hand and pray, “Lord, I’m putting the pen down. You write today.” It sounds simple. It changes my whole posture.
2. Trust the chapter you’re in. If you’re in a waiting season, a hard season, or a boring season, it’s still part of the story. God doesn’t waste pages.
3. Do the next faithful thing. Setting down the pen doesn’t mean sitting on the couch. It means showing up, doing what’s in front of you, and letting Him handle the plot.
4. Get quiet enough to hear Him. We can’t follow the Author if we never sit still long enough to listen. Philippians 1:6 promises He’ll finish what He started. Let Him.
5. Notice when you’ve picked it back up. You will. I do, usually by lunchtime. No shame. Just set it down again.

Your Story Is in Good Hands

Here’s the good news. You don’t have to write the perfect story. You just have to trust the One who already is.

He knows how the chapters connect. He knows why that page hurt. He knows the ending, and Jeremiah 29:11 tells us it’s a future full of hope.

Sit with this today: Where have I been grabbing the pen? What would it look like to hand that part back to God?

Let’s pray: Lord, I confess I’ve been trying to write my own story. I’ve rushed You, second-guessed You, and tried to edit what You already called good. Today I’m setting the pen down. Write my steps, Lord. Help me trust the chapter I’m in, and help me rest in knowing You finish what You start. In Jesus’ name, amen.

If you want a little help getting quiet enough to hear Him, my ebook Still, Small Voice walks you through it. And if you’re ready to sit with His Word every day this year, Grace Unfolding is my Bible-in-a-year journal. Use code GRACE20 at checkout.

Come hang out with me on Instagram too: @mommajscozycottage.

With so much love,
Momma J 🤍

“That’s Not What I Meant”

You ever say something perfectly harmless and watch it land like a brick?

The words were fine. You’d say them again. But somewhere between your mouth and their ears, something got added. A sharpness. A sigh. A little edge you didn’t even know was there.

And then comes the line we’ve all used: “That’s not what I meant.”

I’ll be honest with you. I’ve said it more times than I’d like to count. And every time, I had to sit with a hard truth afterward. It doesn’t really matter what I meant if what they heard was something that hurt.

So let’s talk about it today. Not just our words, but the tone we wrap them in. Because God cares about both.

Words Were Never Small to God

God spoke, and light showed up. From the very first page of the Bible, words carry weight.

Then He made us in His image and gave us the ability to speak too. That’s a gift. It’s also a responsibility.

Proverbs 18:21 doesn’t soften it: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Not just in big speeches or sermons. In the text you send your daughter. In how you answer your husband when you’re tired. In what you mutter about the cashier after you walk away.

James 3 compares the tongue to a tiny spark that can set a whole forest on fire. Small thing. Huge reach. And if we’re real, most of us have been burned by someone’s words. Some of us are still healing from it.

That’s exactly why God asks us to handle ours with care.

How You Say It Is Part of What You Say

Try this. Say “Fine” out loud three ways. Cheerful. Exhausted. Clipped and cold.

Same word. Three completely different messages.

That’s tone. And people hear it before they hear anything else. They feel it in their chest before their brain has even sorted out the words.

Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” Notice it doesn’t say a correct answer turns away wrath. It says a soft one. You can be completely right and still deliver it in a way that starts a fire.

Colossians 4:6 tells us to let our speech be “alway with grace, seasoned with salt.” Seasoned. Not dumped on. Grace isn’t only in the words we pick. It’s in the voice we carry them in.

When You Didn’t Mean It

Here’s the part that stings a little. Sometimes we really didn’t mean it. We were tired, rushed, distracted, or carrying something heavy from earlier in the day. The edge slipped out on its own.

That’s real, and there’s grace for it. God knows our frame. He’s not standing over you with a scorecard.

But not meaning to hurt someone doesn’t mean they weren’t hurt. Intent matters. Impact matters too.

Jesus said if you’re bringing your gift to the altar and remember someone has something against you, go make it right first (Matthew 5:23–24). He didn’t say “only if you meant to offend them.” He said go.

So instead of defending the tone, try owning it:

• “I hear how that came out. I’m sorry. That’s not how I want to talk to you.”
• “I was short with you, and you didn’t deserve that.”

Those few words can heal what a hundred explanations never will.

Tone Comes From the Heart

Jesus put it plainly in Luke 6:45: “Of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.”

Our tone is a window. When the sharpness keeps showing up, it’s usually not a mouth problem. It’s a heart problem. Maybe it’s exhaustion. Maybe it’s resentment we never dealt with. Maybe it’s fear dressed up as control.

This is good news, not condemnation. It means we don’t have to white-knuckle our way into nicer sentences. We can bring the heart to God and let Him do the deeper work.

When He fills us with His peace, it spills out in our voice. People can hear the difference, even when we’re saying hard things.

Letting God Guard Your Mouth

This isn’t about becoming fake-sweet or never being direct. Ephesians 4:15 calls us to speak the truth in love. Both parts matter. Here are a few ways to practice it:

1. Pause before you answer. James 1:19 says be “swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” One deep breath can change everything that comes next.
2. Pray a one-line prayer. Psalm 141:3 is perfect for this: “Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips.” Say it in the car, in the kitchen, before you hit send.
3. Check your fuel. Hungry, tired, overwhelmed? Name it. Sometimes the kindest thing you can say is, “Can we talk about this in an hour?”
4. Reread before you send. Texts have no facial expressions. Ask yourself how it would sound if someone you love read it in their saddest voice.
5. Repair quickly. Don’t let a sharp moment sit overnight. A quick apology keeps small cracks from becoming walls.

And remember, God Himself chose to speak to Elijah not in the wind, the earthquake, or the fire, but in a still small voice (1 Kings 19:12). There’s power in gentleness.

Let’s Pray

Lord, You know every word before it leaves my lips. You’ve heard the gentle ones and the sharp ones. Forgive me for the times my tone wounded someone, whether I meant it or not. Search my heart and heal what’s spilling out of it. Set a guard over my mouth. Teach me to speak truth with love and correction with kindness. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer. Amen. (Psalm 19:14)

Sit With This

• Who in my life might have heard something from me this week that I didn’t intend?
• What usually sits underneath my sharpest moments: tiredness, fear, or old hurt?
• What’s one conversation I need to repair?

If you want more quiet time with God this week, my Still, Small Voice ebook was made for exactly that kind of heart work: Still, Small Voice. And if you’re craving a daily rhythm in the Word, Grace Unfolding walks you through the Bible in a year: Grace Unfolding (use code GRACE20).

Come hang out with me on Instagram too: @mommajscozycottage.

With so much love,
Momma J 🤍

You know the one. It shows up when you’re folding laundry or sitting at a red light. The bakery. The book. The little shop. The ministry. The trip. The business with your name on the sign.

And almost as fast as it shows up, you shove it back in the drawer. Who am I to do that? I’m too old. Too tired. Too broke. Too late.

I want to tell you something I had to learn the slow way: that picture in your head didn’t come from nowhere. God put the ability to imagine inside you on purpose. And sometimes the dream that won’t leave you alone is Him, knocking.

Your imagination was His idea first

Think about it. The very first thing the Bible tells us about God is that He created. He dreamed up light, oceans, sunsets, and the way a baby’s hand curls around your finger. Then He made us in His image (Genesis 1:27). That means the creative spark in you is a family resemblance.

God isn’t nervous about your dreams. He’s the one who wired you to have them. Jeremiah 29:11 reminds us He has plans for us, plans to give us hope and a future. And Ephesians 3:20 says He can do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think. Read that again. Your imagination is the starting line, not the ceiling.

Psalm 37:4 says when we delight in Him, He gives us the desires of our heart. I’ve come to believe that part of how He does that is by planting the desire in the first place. So when a dream lines up with who He is and keeps tugging at you, take it seriously. It may be His plan whispering in your own handwriting.

Real talk: what’s really stopping us

Let’s be honest. Most of us aren’t held back by a lack of ideas. We’re held back by fear wearing a church dress. It sounds holy. Maybe it’s not God’s timing. Maybe I should just be content. Sometimes that’s true. But a lot of times it’s just fear with good manners.

Here’s what I hear (and have said myself):

• “I’m too old.” Abraham and Sarah would like a word. So would Moses, who started his biggest assignment at 80.
• “I don’t have what it takes.” Neither did Gideon, hiding in a winepress. God called him a mighty man of valour anyway (Judges 6:12).
• “What if I fail?” Then you’ll learn something, and God will still be God. Failure isn’t the opposite of faith. Never trying might be.
• “What will people think?” Some won’t get it. That’s okay. They weren’t the ones He gave the dream to.

God didn’t give us a spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7). So when fear is the loudest voice in the room, that’s a pretty good sign it isn’t His.

How to actually start

You don’t need the whole staircase. You just need the next step. Here’s where I’d begin:

1. Write it down. Habakkuk 2:2 says to write the vision and make it plain. Get it out of your head and onto paper, messy and all.
2. Pray over it honestly. Not a polished prayer. Just: “Lord, is this You? If it is, open the door. If it isn’t, take the desire away.” Then pay attention.
3. Take one small step this week. Buy the domain. Bake the test batch. Write the first page. Small steps build trust, in God and in yourself.
4. Tell one safe person. Someone who’ll cheer for you and pray with you, not pick it apart before it has a chance to breathe.
5. Expect detours, not dead ends. The path will bend. It almost always does. That doesn’t mean you heard wrong.

Faith isn’t waiting until you feel ready. It’s moving while you’re still a little scared, trusting the One who gave you the dream to walk it out with you.

So go for it

That dream isn’t silly. It isn’t selfish. And it isn’t too late. The God who imagined the stars imagined you, and He tucked a piece of His plan inside your heart. Pull it out of the drawer. Dust it off. Take the next step.

A prayer for you: Lord, thank You for the dreams You’ve placed in me. Give me the courage to say yes, the wisdom to take the next right step, and the peace to trust You with the rest. Let what I build bring You glory. Amen.

With so much love,
Momma J 🤍

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If you want a quiet place to ask God what He’s put on your heart, Still, Small Voice walks you through learning to recognize His leading. And if you want to stay rooted in the Word while you chase the dream, Grace Unfolding takes you through the Bible in a year (use code GRACE20 for 20% off). Come say hi on Instagram @mommajscozycottage.

Two Hands, One Circle

A strong marriage is a closed circle: two people holding both hands, facing each other, with God standing right in the middle.

Picture it with me for a second. You and your spouse, face to face. Your right hand in their left, your left hand in their right. No gaps. No open side where somebody can slip in. Just the two of you, eyes locked, connected all the way around.

That’s what you said yes to on your wedding day. Not a triangle with your mama. Not a group project with your best girlfriends. A circle. And here’s the truth: the circle only holds when you protect it on purpose.

God Belongs in the Middle

God isn’t a guest you invite over when things get rough. He’s the center that holds the whole circle together.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 says a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Two people can love each other with everything they’ve got and still run out of patience, grace, and strength. I know I have. When God is the third strand, you’re not running on your own tank anymore.

Having Him in the middle also changes where you look. When both of you are reaching toward the center, you naturally move closer to each other. The nearer you get to God, the nearer you get to your spouse. That’s not a cute saying. That’s how the circle works.

So ask yourself honestly: is God in the middle of your marriage, or is He standing outside the circle waiting for an invitation?

Who’s Trying to Step Into Your Circle?

Most of the people who break into a marriage don’t kick the door down. They get invited in, one little complaint at a time.

Here are the usual suspects:

• Family with opinions. Parents and in-laws love you, but Genesis 2:24 is clear: you leave, and you cleave. Their input is welcome. Their vote is not.
• The friend who “just gets you.” That coworker or old buddy you vent to when your spouse frustrates you. Emotional closeness that belongs inside the circle starts leaking out.
• Social media. Comparing your real life to somebody’s highlight reel. Airing your fights in vague posts. Scrolling instead of talking.
• The past. Exes, old hurts, and the version of your spouse you keep holding against them.
• Your kids. Yes, them too. They belong in your heart, not between you. When kids learn to play one parent against the other, the circle cracks.
• Your own pride. Sometimes the one pulling a hand loose is you. Needing to be right will break a grip faster than any outsider.

How to Guard Your Circle

Guarding your circle comes down to a few daily choices, made over and over.

1. Turn toward each other, not outward. When something’s wrong, your spouse hears it first. Not your sister. Not the group chat.
2. Pray before you vent. Take it to God before you take it to anyone else. Better yet, pray together, even if it’s just two awkward sentences holding hands at the kitchen table.
3. Keep your business your business. Your marriage is not content and it’s not gossip. What happens in the circle stays in the circle.
4. Set boundaries as a team. Decide together how much say family gets, what’s okay with friends of the opposite sex, and what stays off social media. Then back each other up.
5. Defend your spouse in public. Never make them the punchline. If you have a problem, handle it at home.
6. Close the gaps quickly. Ephesians 4:26 says don’t let the sun go down on your anger. Small gaps left open become doorways.

A Real Talk Note

Guarding your circle does not mean cutting yourself off from wise help or staying somewhere unsafe.

A godly counselor, a pastor you both trust, or a mentor couple can strengthen the circle when you invite them in together. That’s very different from one spouse going outside the marriage to complain.

And if your circle has abuse, threats, or fear in it, protecting that circle is not your assignment. Protecting yourself is. God never asks you to stay quiet about harm. Please reach out to someone you trust or a local domestic violence hotline.

Close the Circle Tonight

Tonight, reach for your spouse’s hands. Literally. Stand face to face and invite God back to the center.

Sit with these questions this week, alone or together:

• Who have I let into our circle that doesn’t belong there?
• Where have I been turning outward instead of toward my spouse?
• What would it look like to put God back in the middle this week?

A prayer for your circle:

Lord, thank You for the person You gave me. Be the center of our marriage. Show us every gap we’ve left open and help us close it with grace. Guard our hearts, our home, and our hands. Pull us toward You, and in doing that, pull us toward each other. In Jesus’ name, amen.

“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” — Matthew 19:6

With so much love,
Momma J 🤍

Anybody who has lived through a Florida hurricane knows what happens in the hours before it hits.

The neighbor you only wave at suddenly shows up with an extra sheet of plywood. Somebody’s cousin with a chainsaw starts making the rounds. The church opens its doors. The lady down the road who’s lived alone for years gets three phone calls asking if she wants to ride it out with someone. Folks who barely spoke all summer end up sharing a generator, a pot of coffee, and a long night on the floor of somebody’s back room.

I’ve always thought there’s something holy about that. Not the storm. The way people pull their chairs closer when it comes.

We were never meant to carry it alone

Somewhere along the way, a lot of us picked up the idea that needing people is weakness. That the strong ones handle it quietly. That asking for help means you didn’t have enough faith.

But that isn’t what Scripture says. “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2). Not “bear your own burdens and smile about it.” One another’s. God built His people to lean on each other. When you let someone help carry your load, you’re not failing at faith. You’re living it out exactly the way He designed.

And when you pick up someone else’s load, even for an afternoon, you’re doing the work of Christ with your own two hands.

The third strand is what holds it together

Ecclesiastes says, “Two are better than one… For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth” (Ecclesiastes 4:9–10). And then it adds a line I’ve loved for years: “a threefold cord is not quickly broken” (4:12).

Two people holding on to each other is good. But two people holding on to each other and to God? That’s the cord that doesn’t snap when the wind picks up.

Here’s what I’ve learned the hard way: people alone will eventually run out. We get tired. We say the wrong thing. We have our own storms going on. Even the most loving family, the most faithful church, the best neighbors can only carry so much. When God is the center, though, we’re not just pouring from our own cups. We’re all drawing from the same Well, and that Well doesn’t run dry.

What happens when we gather around Him

Jesus made a promise that I hold on to: “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:20).

In the midst. Right in the middle. Not watching from a distance while we figure it out. When we come together in His name, in a hospital waiting room, at a kitchen table after a funeral, on the floor of a dark room while the wind howls outside, He is right there in the center of us.

That changes how a hard night feels. The storm is still loud. The bills are still due. The diagnosis is still real. But you’re not facing it as a scattered handful of scared people. You’re facing it as a circle, with Him in the middle.

Five ways to come together with God at the center

Pray first, then plan. When someone you love gets hard news, it’s tempting to jump straight to casseroles and schedules. Those matter. But start by bowing your heads together, even for one minute. It sets the center before the work begins.

Show up without being asked. Most people in need won’t call. They don’t want to be a burden. So knock anyway. Drop off the meal. Mow the yard. Sit in the waiting room. Presence speaks louder than “let me know if you need anything.”

Let yourself be helped. This one is hard for a lot of us, me included. But when you refuse help, you take away someone else’s chance to obey God. Say yes to the meal. Say yes to the ride. Say thank you, and let it be enough.

Put the differences down. In a real crisis, nobody checks which church you go to or how you voted before they help you board a window. Let your hard seasons do the same thing for your heart. The early church “were together, and had all things common” (Acts 2:44). Unity isn’t agreeing on everything. It’s caring for each other anyway.

Keep coming back after the storm passes. The casseroles stop after a couple of weeks, but the grief and the rebuilding don’t. Set a reminder to check in again in a month. That’s often when people need you most.

He is our refuge, together

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1). Notice it says our. Not just mine. Not just yours. Ours.

Whatever storm you’re in right now, or whatever storm somebody near you is in, I pray you’ll pull your chairs a little closer today. Make the call. Knock on the door. Bow your heads together. And keep Him right there in the middle, where He’s promised to be.

The wind may still blow. But a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

With so much love,
Momma J 🤍

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If you want to learn to hear God’s quiet leading in the middle of the noise, Still, Small Voice walks you through it one gentle step at a time. And if you’d like a daily rhythm in the Word that keeps Him at the center of every season, Grace Unfolding takes you through the Bible in a year (use code GRACE20 for 20% off). It’s even sweeter read alongside someone you love. Come say hi on Instagram @mommajscozycottage.

Can I tell you about a notebook?

I’ve been writing a novel this fall, and the woman at the center of it keeps a secret notebook in her nightstand drawer. Every night for thirty-three years, after her husband falls asleep, she writes about the life she didn’t get. The art school she turned down. The city apartment with tall windows. The version of herself who went somewhere and became someone.

And the whole time she’s writing about that other life, the real one is happening right on the other side of the bedroom door. A husband who loves her quietly. Kids who need her. A town that knows her name. She almost misses all of it.

I’ll be honest. I didn’t have to invent that woman. I just had to remember some of my own seasons.

We all have an “other life”

Maybe yours isn’t in a notebook. Maybe it lives in your head while you’re folding laundry or sitting in the car line. The job you almost took. The person you didn’t marry, or the one you did. The money you’d have if you’d made different choices. The body you had at twenty-five. The dream you set down because somebody needed you more.

Here’s the tricky thing about that other life: it’s always perfect. It never has bills or bad days or grief. It never gets the flu. It’s a highlight reel with no bloopers, and next to it, your real life is always going to look small.

But it isn’t real. And the more time we spend visiting it, the less of us shows up for the life God actually placed in our hands.

Contentment is learned, not felt

Paul wrote, “I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content” (Philippians 4:11). I love that he said learned. Not “I woke up content.” Not “I’m just naturally a grateful person.” He learned it, the way you learn anything: slowly, with practice, and probably with a few failures along the way.

That takes so much pressure off. If contentment were a feeling, you’d have to wait around for it to show up. But if it’s something you learn, then you can start today, right in the middle of whatever you’re feeling.

In my book, the husband says it this way while standing out by his beehives: contentment isn’t a feeling, it’s a thing you decide every day, with your hands. I think he’s right.

The lines have fallen in pleasant places

David wrote, “The lines are fallen unto me in pleasant places; yea, I have a goodly heritage” (Psalm 16:6). He was talking about boundary lines, the edges of the land God gave him. His portion. His lot.

Your boundary lines might not be where you’d have drawn them. Mine sure aren’t. But inside those lines, there is goodness. Real goodness. Sometimes we just have to stop staring over the fence long enough to see it.

Four ways to come home to your real life today

Notice where your mind wanders. Pay attention to the “what if” daydreams that pull you away. You don’t have to scold yourself. Just notice them and gently come back: “That’s not my life. This is. What’s here right now?”

Thank Him for one ordinary thing. Not the big stuff. The hot coffee. The dog asleep on your feet. The grandbaby’s sticky hands. The husband who always cuts his waffle the same way. Ordinary is where most of the miracles hide.

Look at the people in front of you. Really look. The ones you’ve seen so many times you stop seeing them. Ask one of them a question today and listen to the whole answer.

Hand Him the dream you set down. Some dreams aren’t gone; they’re just waiting for a different season. Others need to be released so your hands are free for what He’s giving now. Either way, give it to Him instead of carrying it around like a stone in your shoe. “Be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” (Hebrews 13:5).

This isn’t about settling

I want to be clear, because I know how this can sound. Choosing contentment doesn’t mean you stop growing or stop hoping or pretend that what you lost didn’t matter. It’s okay to grieve the road you didn’t take. God can hold that grief.

But don’t let the grief for one life rob you of the joy in this one. We can spend our time focusing on the life we’ll never have, or spend our time enjoying the life we do have. Only one of those lives has your people in it. Only one of them is real.

Close the notebook for a minute. Look up. Somebody on the other side of the door is glad you’re here.

With so much love,
Momma J 🤍

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If you want a quiet place to practice being present with God in your real, ordinary days, Still, Small Voice walks you through learning to hear Him in the stillness. And if you’re ready for a daily rhythm in the Word that keeps bringing your heart home, Grace Unfolding takes you through the Bible in a year, one day at a time (use code GRACE20 for 20% off). Come say hi on Instagram @mommajscozycottage.

Can I be honest with you for a minute? Joy doesn’t always show up on its own for me. Some mornings I wake up already tired, already behind, already running through the list of everything that’s not okay. And for a long time, I thought that meant something was wrong with my faith. Like real believers just felt joyful and I was somehow missing the memo.

But here’s what I’ve learned: joy isn’t just a feeling that happens to you. It’s something you can train your heart toward. Not fake it. Not slap a smile on and pretend. Train it, the same way you’d train a muscle that’s gotten weak from not being used.

Joy was never supposed to depend on your circumstances

Paul wrote, “Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice” (Philippians 4:4). And you know where he was when he wrote that? Sitting in chains. Not on vacation. Not after everything finally worked out. In prison.

That tells me something important. The joy Paul was talking about wasn’t rooted in his situation. It was rooted in the Lord. That’s a different kind of joy than happiness. Happiness says, “Things are good, so I’m good.” Joy says, “God is good, so I’m going to be okay, even when things aren’t.”

And if Paul could get there from a prison cell, you and I can get there from a messy kitchen, a hard diagnosis, a tight bank account, or a heart that’s just plain worn out.

Your heart goes where you point it

Here’s the thing nobody told me for years: your mind has grooves. Whatever you think about most, you’ll think about more easily. If you spend your days rehearsing what’s wrong, your heart gets really good at finding what’s wrong. It becomes your default setting.

That’s why Paul didn’t stop at “rejoice.” A few verses later he gives us the training plan: “Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely… think on these things” (Philippians 4:8).

Think on these things. On purpose. Over and over. Until it becomes the groove your heart naturally falls into.

Five small ways to start training your heart today

Start before your feet hit the floor. Before you check your phone, before the worry list starts running, say it out loud: “This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it” (Psalm 118:24). You’re setting the direction before the day tries to set it for you.

Name three real things. Not big, impressive gratitude. Real stuff. The coffee was hot. The sun came through the window. Somebody texted to check on me. When you name small goodness, you start noticing more of it.

Catch the spiral early. When you feel your thoughts sliding into worst-case territory, you don’t have to beat yourself up. Just notice it and gently turn it: “Okay, that’s the fear talking. What’s actually true right now?”

Sit with Him in the quiet. Psalm 16:11 says, “in thy presence is fulness of joy.” Fullness. Not a sprinkle. Joy lives in His presence, so the more time you spend there, the more of it rubs off on you. Even five minutes of stillness counts.

Choose joy out loud when it’s hard. Habakkuk said that even if the fig tree doesn’t blossom and there’s no fruit on the vine, “Yet I will rejoice in the Lord” (Habakkuk 3:17–18). That little word yet is everything. It’s joy as a decision, not a reaction.

This isn’t about pretending you’re fine

I want to be really clear here, because I know some of you have been hurt by “just be joyful” Christianity. Training your heart toward joy does not mean stuffing your pain or acting like you’re okay when you’re not. God can handle your tears. He can handle your questions. The Psalms are full of people crying out to Him in raw, honest grief.

Joy and sorrow can sit in the same heart at the same time. You can grieve and still hold onto the truth that God is good. You can be exhausted and still find one thing to thank Him for. That’s not fake. That’s faith with its sleeves rolled up.

The joy of the Lord is your strength

Nehemiah 8:10 says, “the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Not your willpower. Not your ability to hold it all together. His joy, working in you, becomes the thing that carries you when you can’t carry yourself.

So be patient with your heart. Training takes time. Some days you’ll nail it, and some days you’ll catch yourself three hours deep in a worry spiral before you remember. That’s okay. Just turn back. Every time you turn back, the groove gets a little deeper.

With so much love,
Momma J 🤍

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If you want a gentle place to practice this kind of quiet, heart-level time with God, Still, Small Voice walks you through learning to hear Him in the stillness. And if you’re ready to build a daily rhythm in the Word that keeps pointing your heart back to Him, Grace Unfolding takes you through the Bible in a year, one day at a time (use code GRACE20 for 20% off). Come say hi on Instagram @mommajscozycottage.

Let me ask you something, and be honest with yourself.

When someone compliments you, what’s the first thing you do?

If you’re anything like me, you deflect. “Oh, this old thing?” “It wasn’t that good.” “You should’ve seen how messy it was before you got here.” We brush off the good like it’s lint on a sweater, and then we lie awake at 2 a.m. replaying the one thing we said wrong at lunch three days ago.

We are experts on our flaws. We could write a dissertation on them. We know every wrinkle, every failure, every time we yelled when we should’ve listened, every dream we started and didn’t finish.

But ask us to name five things we’re genuinely good at? Suddenly we go quiet.

Here’s the truth that stopped me in my tracks: If you only shine light on your flaws, all your perfects will dim.

Think about it like a flashlight in a dark room. Wherever you point it, that’s what you see. Point it at the cracked tile, and that cracked tile becomes the whole room. Meanwhile, the beautiful window, the warm quilt, the fresh flowers on the table are all sitting right there in the dark, unnoticed. Not because they aren’t there. Because you never turned the light their way.

That’s what we do to ourselves every single day.

You weren’t made to be your own worst critic

Psalm 139:14 says, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

I know that full well. Not “I hope so.” Not “maybe on a good hair day.” The psalmist knew it.

When we constantly tear ourselves down, we’re not being humble. We’re arguing with the One who made us. We’re looking at His handiwork and saying, “Yeah, but You missed a spot.”

And I say that with so much love, because I’ve done it more times than I can count.

Your flaws are real. So are your gifts.

I’m not telling you to pretend you’re perfect. Real talk: none of us are. We all have things to work on, habits to break, and apologies to make. Growth matters.

But growth doesn’t happen in the dark. You don’t grow by staring at your weakness until you hate yourself enough to change. You grow by standing in grace, seeing the whole picture, and letting God work on the broken parts while you celebrate the beautiful ones.

Paul said it best in 2 Corinthians 12:9: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Even your flaws aren’t wasted. They’re the very places His light gets in.

So where is your flashlight pointed?

Today, I want to challenge you to try something. Grab a sticky note, your journal, or the notes app on your phone, and write down:

• One thing you did well this week
• One quality people love about you (if you can’t think of one, think about what people thank you for)
• One way God has used you, even in a small way

Then read it out loud. Yes, out loud. It’ll feel awkward. Do it anyway.

Because the woman who holds the family together, who shows up tired and still makes dinner, who prays for people who don’t even know she’s praying, who keeps going when quitting would be easier? She deserves some light, too.

Philippians 4:8 tells us to think on “whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable.” That includes what’s lovely and admirable in you.

Let your light shine, starting with how you see yourself

Jesus said in Matthew 5:14, “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.”

You can’t shine for others while you’re dimming yourself in private. The world needs your light, the whole, honest, beautifully imperfect version of you.

So turn the flashlight around today. Look at the good. Thank God for it. And let it glow.

Your flaws are part of your story. But they are not the whole story. Not even close.

With so much love,
Momma J 🤍

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If you’re tired of hearing your inner critic louder than anything else, Still, Small Voice will help you learn to hear God’s gentle whisper over the noise. And if you want to sit with His Word daily and start seeing yourself the way He does, Grace Unfolding walks you through the Bible in a year, one day at a time (use code GRACE20 for 20% off). Come say hi on Instagram @mommajscozycottage.